Niou Masaharu (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
trickyoutwice) wrote2013-07-23 01:44 am
trickyoutwice) wrote2013-07-23 01:44 am
3rd trick; (voice)
[The setting of the story: A dark and stormy perfectly lovely evening where all good boys and girls are safely tucked away in their beds, dreaming of Mareeps. However, one of the heros of this story (neither of them, in fact) is a good little boy, and the middle of the night sees Niou groggily getting out of bed and trudging down the hall for the bathroom, too half-asleep to even rub the grit out of his eyes.
Which is why it might be understandable that when he flips on the light switch and sees a giant purple Sharpedo grinning very, very toothily at him from the bathtub, he blinks and flips off the lights again. And then turns them back on.
Yeah, the killer shark thing that’d decided upon first sight that he was a tasty treat is still there, still showing way too many razor-sharp teeth. This time, Niou takes a step back, slams the door, and does what any sensible young man in his position would do: shrieks bloody murder for his partner so he’s not the only one miserably awake and dealing with this shit.]
Yagyuu! YAGYUU! The shark’s in the bathroom!
[Naturally, Yagyuu is not currently awake to be hearing this; Yagyuu is at the moment sleeping quite peacefully in his bed, dreaming ofmushroom sugarplum fairies and Seigaku losing miserably at middle-school tennis tournaments. However, at the sound of Niou’s frantic shout, he jolts upright and instinctively grabs for his glasses, already half out of bed by the time he’s managed to get them opened and on his face.
Unfortunately, that blind and hurried grab had the misfortune of jolting most of the contents of the table, which in turn knocked into someone’s Gear; the point where it hits the ground and switches on roughly coincides with the moment when Yagyuu’s made it into the hall, which means the recording for the network’s consumption begins just in time to hear: ]
What do you mean, the shark’s in the bathroom? It’s not supposed to—
[A DOOR CREAKS OPEN, THEN ABRUPTLY SLAMS SHUT AGAIN.]
...The shark’s in the bathroom.
Yep. [Having a compatriot to his not-freaking-out restores at least some of Niou’s usual cool, so he manages stunned instead of JESUS CHRIST IT’S ALION SHARK GET IN THE CAR.] Sure is.
[There’s a pause and the sound of footsteps as Niou pads closer to the door again and opens it a crack to peer inside.]
How the fuck did the shark get to the bathroom? There’s stairs.
[Before any more brilliant commentary can be added, something growls and Niou screams as the shark leverages itself out of the bathtub and makes a determined lunge straight for his face, accompanied by the sound of cracking, splintering wood as it propels itself right into the door— and gets stuck in a neat, shark-shaped hole halfway through.
Fortunately, quick reflexes on Yagyuu’s part (honed from years of tennis and supplemented by over two years of stupid Pokemon incidents like this one) save the day, and the thud of bodies hitting the floor quickly follows as he unceremoniously grabs Niou by the collar and forcibly hurls them both backwards, away from the door and the shark now snapping ineffectually in the middle of it.]
...Do you suppose it’s — ah...stuck? There? In the...
[No, but really, though, HOLY SHIT.
Meanwhile, the rapid skittering of sixty-four fuzzy little sets of toenails clicking against floorboards abruptly begins to ring out, sounding like a cross between Flight of the Bumblebee as performed on a typewriter and a Chicago Typewriter gunning down a mass of bumblebees. It is, evidently, Yagyuu’s Eevee Battalion, rushing the scene with a single desperate thought dominating every one of their fuzzy little brains:
GRANDPA MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE.
Clearly the only thing to do is to storm the scene in a mass stampede and find out.]
Do we really wanna wait to find ou— ack!
[Niou, sadly still unaccustomed to the warning signs of a full on Eevee rush, gets bowled over by the stampede just as he’s managed to brush himself off and climb to his feet. He goes down squawking in a wild flail of limbs and only manages to dig himself out of the newly installed carpet of furry bodies, only to yelp and scramble back as he finds himself once again in far too close quarters with his nemesis the shark.
If he’s using Yagyuu for cover at this point, well, luckily for the sake of his dignity, no one can actually see it.]
...they’re kinda late for a rescue. [If he acts like he didn’t nearly just leap into Yagyuu’s arms, then it didn’t happen, right? Right.]
“Rescue” isn’t the word I would use an—
[And there’s probably more conversation ensuing from that point on, but it’s not like the Gear’s microphone can pick any of it up, what with the newly-arrived cacophony of clicking nails, rustling fur, and sixteen bitty Eeveelutions yapping incessantly at the snarling, trapped glittershark in their midst.]
Which is why it might be understandable that when he flips on the light switch and sees a giant purple Sharpedo grinning very, very toothily at him from the bathtub, he blinks and flips off the lights again. And then turns them back on.
Yeah, the killer shark thing that’d decided upon first sight that he was a tasty treat is still there, still showing way too many razor-sharp teeth. This time, Niou takes a step back, slams the door, and does what any sensible young man in his position would do: shrieks bloody murder for his partner so he’s not the only one miserably awake and dealing with this shit.]
Yagyuu! YAGYUU! The shark’s in the bathroom!
[Naturally, Yagyuu is not currently awake to be hearing this; Yagyuu is at the moment sleeping quite peacefully in his bed, dreaming of
Unfortunately, that blind and hurried grab had the misfortune of jolting most of the contents of the table, which in turn knocked into someone’s Gear; the point where it hits the ground and switches on roughly coincides with the moment when Yagyuu’s made it into the hall, which means the recording for the network’s consumption begins just in time to hear: ]
What do you mean, the shark’s in the bathroom? It’s not supposed to—
[A DOOR CREAKS OPEN, THEN ABRUPTLY SLAMS SHUT AGAIN.]
...The shark’s in the bathroom.
Yep. [Having a compatriot to his not-freaking-out restores at least some of Niou’s usual cool, so he manages stunned instead of JESUS CHRIST IT’S A
[There’s a pause and the sound of footsteps as Niou pads closer to the door again and opens it a crack to peer inside.]
How the fuck did the shark get to the bathroom? There’s stairs.
[Before any more brilliant commentary can be added, something growls and Niou screams as the shark leverages itself out of the bathtub and makes a determined lunge straight for his face, accompanied by the sound of cracking, splintering wood as it propels itself right into the door— and gets stuck in a neat, shark-shaped hole halfway through.
Fortunately, quick reflexes on Yagyuu’s part (honed from years of tennis and supplemented by over two years of stupid Pokemon incidents like this one) save the day, and the thud of bodies hitting the floor quickly follows as he unceremoniously grabs Niou by the collar and forcibly hurls them both backwards, away from the door and the shark now snapping ineffectually in the middle of it.]
...Do you suppose it’s — ah...stuck? There? In the...
[No, but really, though, HOLY SHIT.
Meanwhile, the rapid skittering of sixty-four fuzzy little sets of toenails clicking against floorboards abruptly begins to ring out, sounding like a cross between Flight of the Bumblebee as performed on a typewriter and a Chicago Typewriter gunning down a mass of bumblebees. It is, evidently, Yagyuu’s Eevee Battalion, rushing the scene with a single desperate thought dominating every one of their fuzzy little brains:
GRANDPA MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE.
Clearly the only thing to do is to storm the scene in a mass stampede and find out.]
Do we really wanna wait to find ou— ack!
[Niou, sadly still unaccustomed to the warning signs of a full on Eevee rush, gets bowled over by the stampede just as he’s managed to brush himself off and climb to his feet. He goes down squawking in a wild flail of limbs and only manages to dig himself out of the newly installed carpet of furry bodies, only to yelp and scramble back as he finds himself once again in far too close quarters with his nemesis the shark.
If he’s using Yagyuu for cover at this point, well, luckily for the sake of his dignity, no one can actually see it.]
...they’re kinda late for a rescue. [If he acts like he didn’t nearly just leap into Yagyuu’s arms, then it didn’t happen, right? Right.]
“Rescue” isn’t the word I would use an—
[And there’s probably more conversation ensuing from that point on, but it’s not like the Gear’s microphone can pick any of it up, what with the newly-arrived cacophony of clicking nails, rustling fur, and sixteen bitty Eeveelutions yapping incessantly at the snarling, trapped glittershark in their midst.]
Video;
[video]
Yep. Totally a secret code, we're really plotting to take over the world and we just suck enough to let everyone hear it.
[But, no, really, there is actually a glittery purple shark pokemon making their lives stupid as hell right now, and Niou turns his Gear to give her a choice view of the thing.]
[video]
... Okay that's just creepy, but also kind of cool. Looks like your cavalry has the situation handled. [Now she can kind of make sense of it all- there is LITERALLY a shark.
With like, half a body.
How does Pokemon even work, she swears on the river Styx she'll never get it-]
no subject
Yeah, some cavalry, they almost fed me to the thing.
[Hey, just because he lives with them doesn't mean Niou's actually fond of most of the horde. But he does perk up as a great idea occurs to him, and the smile from earlier turns into something a bit more butter-wouldn't-melt-in-his-mouth.]
Hey, how'd you like a once in a life time chance to look after a— [He pauses and makes a show of consulting his Gear even though he doesn't need to, waiting for it to announce in hollow tones: Sharpedo, the brutal pokemon.] Sharpedo? It's super friendly.
[Okay, he knows there's not a chance in hell that she'll buy it, but it's worth a shot.]
no subject
[At least they weren't trying to EAT you. But that smile gives her the chills and AHAHA no.]
Oh yeah, friendly. [She smirks and puts her free hand on her hip.] Friendly like one of Keto's kids, maybe. [But if she could help she'd be willing to try, done properly.] What, does it keep getting out of it's Pokeball or something?
no subject
[If Scylla were a purple shark and Charybdis were a whirlpool of furry Eevee bodies, sure.]
I wish it just kept getting out of its pokeball, but no. Yagyuu keeps it in the pool. You ever tried going swimming only to find out there's actually Jaws sharing the real estate?
no subject
Can't say I have. Why would anyone keep a shark in the pool...? I'm guessing you've already tried talking him out of it?
no subject
[If it got out that Niou actually did his school work and knew things like Greek mythology trivia, people might actually expect him to start behaving, and he couldn't have that.]
I think trying to get Yagyuu to do anything about his menaces is a lost cause. He was here a year without me and turned the whole place into a zoo.
[He wishes he were kidding about it being an actual zoo, but no, there's a man-eating plant pokemon in the garden, and that's just to start.]
Besides, when he decides to do something, you'd have better luck trying to shove a mountain out of your way.
no subject
Hey, there's a thought!]
Ha ha, I have a couple of friends like that. Maybe you guys could start charging admission and get some kind of sponsorship from one of the professors? At least get something out of the deal.
Video;
Inwardly, naturally, he's still sputtering.]
Ah, no, I'm afraid it's rather unfortunately literal.
[HIS. FUCKING. LIFE.]
Video;
Video;
Either way, the explanation isn't particularly comforting, is it.
Video;
So why not just... I don't know, keep it in a pokeball? Or I guess you could get a big aquarium? Maybe it's trying to tell you it doesn't like being kept outdoors.